Note: HSPVA is my old high school, The High School for the Performing and Visual Arts
Not too long ago, the HSPVA senior class gathered together to create one of those moments they will doubtless describe to their grandchildren one day: the celebration of Cinco de Mayo. About a week after that, they all went to prom.
Prom is considered special because it is the last time the entire senior class congregates in one room. Well, there’s the awards ceremony. And the senior picnic. And graduation. And the annual yearbook-receiving gala. In short, prom is considered special because it is among the last times the entire senior class congregates in one room.
The HSPVA PTO moms worked long and hard to secure a venue with lots of things to trip over, including tiny, invisible, treacherous stairs and pointless two-foot-high wooden rails. They also rented a budget-busting spotlight- one reason why tickets were $50 each on top of senior fees. Other money-eaters included the plethora of warm cheesecakes and mousses awaiting those prom-goers still crusty-mouthed from their overpriced dinners, and the “entertainment.” Ah, the entertainment. Well, to be fair, the PTO moms had to offer the hypnotist extra cash incentives when he agreed to the gig at the last moment (the musical barking dogs canceled just two hours before curtain time). Still, if we think we need an outsider to encourage PVA students to make idiots of themselves onstage, then we have truly forgotten the PVA spirit.
Students at PVA described the event as “eventful.” One student sketched what he believed to be a typical schedule for the evening.
7:30- overpriced dinner
9:30- leave restaurant for prom
9:35- get stuck in traffic on 59
9:36- scream, “Traffic! At 9:35 on a Saturday night! What the?! I’m so glad I’m getting outta here in three months!”
10:00- arrive at prom
10:05- say “you look beauuuuuuutiful!” about 23 billion times
10:05-12:00- wait in line for pictures
12:00-12:55- watch hypnotist show. get very very sleepy.
12:55-1:00- dancing
Of course, the PTO moms took precautions to prevent such dancing as was so shamelessly portrayed in the movie “Dirty Dancing.” First, they stationed several stunned-looking chaperones throughout the Parador, none of whom even set foot in the dancing room. As an added precaution, any student who attempted to smuggle in good music was promptly arrested.
Finally, the prom moms staged a protest of the cancellation of the after-prom at Celebration Station. In a move that would have moved Gandhi to tears, the moms blockaded the driveway of the Parador, rendering the valet parking system utterly useless. That’s one small step for a mom, one giant leap for momkind.