Monthly Archives: July 2002

Princeton admissions officials admit to having no life

After admitting that they had viewed the admissions decisions of several Yale applicants without authorization, several Princeton admissions officials have revealed that they have no life. “And when I say no life, I mean no life,” one official, who asked … Continue reading

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3 for 1

I have this theory that I am currently referring to as my 3-for-1 theory. It deals with a conversation between Person A and Person B (which may include more than one person). Assumptions: -The conversation is premeditated by Person A … Continue reading

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Dracula the insomniac

To National Sleep Dynamics, Inc: Dear Sir or Madam, I am interested in participating in your sleep study, “Affects of Shift Work on Sleep Habits.” I think I qualify for your study because I work at night. As you suggested, … Continue reading

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Jar

Click. The file cabinet opened, and with it a long-postponed chore: the weekly cleaning. Well, he had intended for it to be a weekly cleaning back in January when he was high on ambition, but resolutions of that nature have … Continue reading

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HSPVA Library Schedule

Note: HSPVA is my old high school, The High School for the Performing and Visual Arts HSPVA Library Schedule May 2002 May 6-10: Closed for AP testing. No check-out, no check-in. May 13-17: Closed for AP testing. No check-out, no … Continue reading

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HSPVA Withdrawal

Note: HSPVA is my old high school, The High School for the Performing and Visual Arts HSPVA Withdrawal affects over zero teenagers each year. Signs of HSPVA Withdrawal include: – constantly surfing pva02.com – standing in front of your microwave … Continue reading

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My Career

All my life I’ve tried desperately to dig up whatever latent talent I might have that would catapult me into fame, right up there with Mozart. I’ve pretty much run the gamut of the arts world – violin, viola, voice, … Continue reading

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Enronic

Alanis Morisette Writes New Song Still riding her fame of five years ago, singer/songwriter Alanis Morisette released a new single today that will be included in an upcoming album. “My critics say I’m running out of ideas, but I really … Continue reading

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