I make decisions by following these highly generalized steps:
• Gather data about the choices that I can choose between.
• Gather data about each of the choices.
• Tally up the Value of each choice and choose the choice that has the greatest Value.
• Save the Value for future decisions that may need it.
Well I talked to him today … he has such a sexy voice …. and he is cute …. and omg … and talking to him is something I so want to do again…. I really enjoyed myself ….. and not only that it was kind of a turn on…..

current mood: giggly
current music: happy stuff
Apparently the Taco Bell dog is dead. Maybe my wife’s two stupid beagles can replace him.
im not much to anyone. nothin special, just another annoyance in life. boy i feel special. *goes outside and stares at the stars*
The above are all excerpts from blogs. Yet another computer-related newcomer to the English language, “Blog” is a contraction of “Web log.” It’s a noun: welcome to my blog. It’s a verb: I started blogging two years ago. It’s a cultural phenomenon.
Blogs are your friendly neighborhood websites. They are witty, presenting information with a sassy editorial spin. They are updated often, usually a few times a week but sometimes a few times a day. They look a lot like paper journals. Unlike journals, however, some have archives cross-referenced by subject, category, and date. Most have brief, dated entries. Perhaps most noticeably, each blog bears the personality of its host, be it teenybopper bubbly, self-important, or sardonically humorous. Their entries range from the technical (you may notice some design changes to this site) to the mundane (today at work…) to the melodramatic (I love him sooooo much!!!). Entries frequently consist of a link to another website or a news story and pithy commentary by the host. Readers can post responses to each entry, or responses to comments already left by other readers. Sometimes these threads of comments take on lives of their own and drift far away from the original topic of the entry. You have to play “six degrees of Kevin Bacon” to find your way back home.
Blogs are not to be confused with personal websites. Although both are read primarily by friends and family of the host (very few people read the blogs of people they have never met), the latter are updated much less frequently and often focus on one particular topic, such as “The Unofficial Simpsons Webpage,” or “Randy Peterson: architect.” On the other hand, personal websites are usually the product of curiosity. A person sets up a website and declares, “there I am!” but the novelty quickly wears off and the untended website waits quietly in a dusty corner of the World Wide Web for the occasional visitor. Blogs are the high-maintenance cousins of personal websites. They assume that everything they have to say, no matter on what topic, is of paramount importance, and they won’t rest until someone comments on each and every entry. The essence of the blog is egoism, an egoism so strong that it demands not only space on a web server and twenty four hour worldwide access but constant tending and activity.
There are two main categories of Blogs. The first kind, which I call the “true blog,” has been around as long as the internet itself. True blogs are self-contained sites. They have their own domain names, sometimes the name of their host, such as, or sometimes a laboriously thought-out and terribly clever pseudonym such as “ambivalent imbroglio” or “diversionz.” True blogs have the advantage of self-design. The host can tailor the site to suit his own needs, posting art, photographs, writing, music, or anything his internet skills support. However, true blogs remain the realm of the internet elite—those who have taught themselves HTML in their spare time, web developers by day who are bloggers by night, and bored hacker teenagers who feel the need to thrust their opinions upon the world.
The alternative to having a true blog is keeping a “web journal.” Web journals are the internet elite’s attempt at outreach to those mere mortals whose knowledge of the internet consists of some idea of where to click and where not to click. Several host sites let you create web journals without any knowledge of HTML or other mysterious computer tongues. Web journals don’t allow for the freedom of design that true blogs do, but they do provide an instant community of bloggers who use the same web journaling service. On, for instance, users can create a page displaying all their friends’ journal entries, and search for new friends with similar interests or location. They can also join a community of users who profess interest in the same topic. Then, they post whatever entries pertain to that topic to the community bulletin board. There are topics for all tastes—the domestic (chicken recipes), the disgruntled (stupid drivers, beware!), and the lonely, yet gullible (astrologyinlove). Because of the community aspect of web journal services, web journal users are more likely to read the journals of complete strangers.
Bloggers tend to be in their teens and twenties, like most internet users. Older users can establish blogs with no more difficulty than their younger peers, but they have trouble integrating themselves into youth-dominated web journal communities. Some of the older users are people who have had blogs for decades. If you follow one blogger’s posting activity for a long period of time, you will often notice a transition from adolescent angst to prematurely jaded ennui. Blog characteristics fall along gender lines as well. Men gravitate towards true blogs, where they can immerse themselves in programming language and take up lots of server space, whereas women prefer the gregarious community of a web journaling service.
One of the strangest aspects of blogging is the relationship between the public and the private. Blogs are inherently public forums—in most cases, anyone who stumbles upon it can read to his heart’s content. At the same time, people tend to post things that they wouldn’t feel comfortable saying at a cocktail party—the secret grumblings that rot in the backs of their minds, the end-snatches of last night’s dreams, the lingering detail of a first kiss. Why this candid presentation of life’s private moments? Perhaps it’s the illusion of anonymity created by an internet persona. When I post in my blog, I cease to be Ramie and become Indecisiongirl, blogger extraordinaire! Invulnerable to the mockeries and taboos of society, able to speak, or at least type, my mind. Surely I am not alone in my perception. The internet links bloggers, but it also obscures their identities. In this way, a blogging community is like a Masquerade in which guests can constantly groom and tweak their masks. You can create a persona with selectively chosen, selectively represented details of your life. You can exaggerate. You can lie. You can look at the blog of someone you’ve never met and feel like their best friend—but it’s still just the mask. Blogs are rubbings of personalities, capturing the most obvious surface features but none of the subtleties—but at least you feel like you’ve made a mark.
So why do people get blogs? In the case of web journal users, it’s often to keep in touch. This is especially common among friends who must cultivate long-distance relationships, such as recent high school or college graduates. Groups of friends sign up for the same service so they can easily keep up with each others’ lives. In the case of true blogs, maintaining a blog is sometimes an exercise in web development. The whole point is to learn to design a webpage, to enter commands and watch them work. Content is merely incidental. In other cases, it’s purely an ego trip, a chance to see one’s name and thoughts in print. Just like says, “Let the world know the story of your life, as it happens! (Whether they want to or not!)”Blogs are a cry for the world’s validation. A way to measure one’s importance in it through the number of hits (the viewings of a website) or comments. A verification of a person’s existence in some place, at some point in time.

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This is a personal site, and as such it contains personal content. The poetry section in particular is personal, though not in the same way as a private diary. My poetry is not a reflection of my life or thoughts or emotions, but rather a product thereof–strengthened and distilled. If for any reason you are disturbed or alarmed by any of my poems, go for walk or something. It need not concern you.

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Bitter Singles Playlist

“Selfless, Cold, and Composed,” Ben Folds Five
“Seeing Other People,” Belle and Sebastian
“How Soon is Now?,” The Smiths
“Lucky Ball and Chain,” They Might Be Giants
“Fuck and Run,” Liz Phair
“You Don’t Own Me,” Rasputina (cover)
“I Will Survive,” Gloria Gaynor
“Putting the Damage On,” Tori Amos
“Eleanor Rigby,” Godhead (cover)
“I Die: You Die,” The Magnetic Fields
“You’re Pretty When I’m Drunk,” The Bloodhound Gang
“The District Sleeps Alone Tonight,” The Postal Service
“Song for the Dumped,” Ben Folds Five
“One,” Three Dog Night
“I Miss You,” Bjork
“Jessie’s Girl,” Rick Springfield
“Me, Myself, and I,” Vitamin C
“Hungry Like the Wolf,” Duran Duran
“Crazy,” Patsy Cline
“Friendship,” Tenacious D
“Cecilia,” Simon & Garfunkel
“I Touch Myself,” Divinyls
“Love Ridden,” Fiona Apple
“Tracks of My Tears,” Pharoahs (cover)
“Bug a Boo,” Destiny’s Child
“Build Me Up Buttercup,” The Foundations
“Why Don’t You Do Right” Rasputina (cover)
“All Over Now,” Aimee Mann
“There Will Never Be Another You,” Nat King Cole
“All By Myself,” Babes in Toyland
“Me! I Disconnect From You,” Sukia
“Never Fall In Love,” Dan Bern
“Twisting,” They Might Be Giants
“Control,” Poe
“Love Is Nothing,” Liz Phair
“You Left Me In the Dark,” Elvis Costello
“Love the One You’re With,” Tim Russ
“How Could You Want Him (When You Know You Could Have Me)?,” Spin Doctors
“Love Song for No One,” John Mayer
“No Man’s Woman,” Sinead O’Connor
“Love Stinks,” J. Geils Band
“Breakin’ Up is Hard to Do,” The Carpenters
“Somebody to Love,” Queen
“Easy to Love,” Charlie Parker
“The Other Woman,” Ray Parker, Jr.
“I Heard it Through the Grapevine,” Marvin Gaye

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One Year

Once again I find myself awake,
Thinking about how, so often, I was
Happy despite the horror.

Maybe it’s the sedentary restlessness,
Maybe the steady diet of Diet Coke and ibuprofen,
But once again I find myself awake.

It is an empty consciousness,
The white walls remind me of when I thought I’d never be
Happy despite the horror.

I remember, overwhelmed, consumed,
Staring at them and hating you for what you had done to me.
Once again I find myself awake.

Do you remember that morning, love?
I begged you to forget, to let us be
Happy despite the horror.

I wanted to build castles with you;
Later I became the sea.
Once again I find myself awake,
Happy despite the horror.

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This is a personal site, and as such it contains personal content. The poetry section in particular is personal, though not in the same way as a private diary. My poetry is not a reflection of my life or thoughts or emotions, but rather a product thereof–strengthened and distilled. If for any reason you are disturbed or alarmed by any of my poems, go for walk or something. It need not concern you.

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The real homosexual agenda

My townie sent me this:

In his dissenting opinion in the Supreme Court’s recent decision in Lawrence
v. Texas, the Texas sodomy decision, Justice Scalia stated, “Today’s opinion
is the product of a Court, which is the product of a law-profession culture,
that has largely signed on to the so-called homosexual agenda . . . .” In
case you were not aware of the nature of “the so-called homosexual agenda,”
much less its existence, I offer the following, which is reprinted from John
Carroll’s column of this past Monday in the SF Chronicle (but which
pre-dates his column, as I recall seeing it a while ago):

Homosexual Agenda
6 a.m. Gym.
“8 a.m. Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites).
“9 a.m. Hair appointment.
“10 a.m. Shopping (preferably at Neiman Marcus or Nordstrom).
“11 a.m. Brunch.
“2 p.m. Assume complete control of the federal, state and local governments.
Destroy Christian marriage. Replace all school counselors in grades K-12
with militant recruiters for the homosexual lifestyle. Bulldoze all houses
of worship or redecorate them as discos. Secure total control of the
Internet and all mass media. Be utterly fabulous!
“2:30 p.m. Get 40 winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from the
stress of world conquest; aromatherapy.
“4 p.m. Cocktails.
“6 p.m. Light dinner (soup, salad [arugula with balsamic vinegar dressing],
“8 p.m. Theater.
“10:30 p.m. Cocktails in a charming neighborhood bistro.
“Midnight. Bed (du jour).”

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My ragged memory yields to shows
Of long-lost sensuality,
So what’s the point of letting go?

The pictures flicker, fly, and flow,
Invading my mentality.
My ragged memory yields to shows

Of coins worth fifty centavos
I kept “in practicality”
So what’s the point of letting go?

The noble outline of your nose,
Embraces of duality,
My ragged memory yields to shows

Of gentle nights of light repose.
I’ve murdered truth, reality,
So what’s the point of letting go?

I could have fled; instead I chose
This masochistic malady.
My ragged memory yields to shows,
So what’s the point of letting go?

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Food pyramid

FDA Revises Food Guide Pyramid

Officials in the Food and Drug Administration are re-organizing the Food Guide Pyramid after years of following what they call an “embarrassingly ill-conceived” model.
“The old food guide pyramid puts far too much emphasis on wheat and bread,” spokesperson Aida Lott says. “The new pyramid will place the proper emphasis on overlooked foods such as quinoa and bulghur.”
The old model was criticized for pandering to grain farmers’ lobbyists, encouraging people to buy more bread, even overemphasizing its importance in a healthy diet. “But we don’t have this problem any more, no sir,” she said, leaning speaking into the flowers on her desk. “The grain farmers do not control us at all. Nope. Not even a little bit.”
The FDA is also developing several lifestyle-specific food pyramids, continuing a trend that began with ethnic food pyramids.
“So far we have Arabic, Chinese, Cuban, Indian, Italian, Mexican, Portuguese, Russian, Thai, Japanese, Mediterranean, and Native American, but we’re hoping to get even more specific,” Lott says. Researchers are currently developing a Finicky Two-year-old brat food guide pyramid based primarily on stale cheerios and Legos. Also in development is the East Texas Redneck food pyramid, which includes fruit pies and roadkill.
“The hope is that any person, regardless of ethnicity, income level, allergies, or fetish, will be able to eat healthfully,” Lott says, adding, “except for those weirdoes who don’t eat meat. There’s no way they could eat a healthy, balanced diet.”

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Power dynamics

Is there a healthy balance of power in your relationship?

Many times, people are involved in abusive relationships without realizing it. The next time you are bound, gagged, and submitting to the will of your partner, take the time to consider your role in relationship. Are you happy with the amount of power that you have? Do you resent your partner’s dominance over you? Or do you perhaps enjoy your subjugated role as a sex slave? Use this simple quiz to assess your relationship.

1. Do you use “I” sentences with your partner, such as “I would like for you to be over here now,” “I am your master,” and “I order you to make me a sandwich”?
A. almost never
B. sometimes
C. Where’s my sandwich?

2. Do the handcuffs hurt?
A. no
B. a little
C. AUGH!!! AUGH!!!

3. If your partner were a household object, what would he/she be?
A. bleach
B. a roll of duct tape
C. a 13-inch black rubber dildo
D. a chainsaw

4. Which couple best parallels your relationship with your partner?
A. Bert and Ernie
B. Broom and shoe
C. Hitler and Mrs. Hitler

5. Are both of you employed?
A. Yes
B. Pshh. Who would hire that dumb (son of a) bitch?
C. Only if you count constantly looking after my partner’s affairs to the extent of creating a vicarious life for my….oh my god.

6. Which slogan best describes your relationship with your partner?
A. Mutual Love and Respect
B. Compromise Carries the Day
C. Putting the “Pow” Back in “Power”

1. a:3 b:2 c:1
2. a:1 b:2 c:3
3. a:4 b:3 c:2 d:1
4. a:2 b:3 c:1 d:4
5. a:2 b:1 c:3
6. a:3 b:2 c:1

6-10 Points: Whoa there, cowboy!
You clearly hold more power in this relationship. While American culture teaches us all to seek positions of power and leadership, this does not mean to beat your partner with leather whips and searing pokers. Find a healthy balance. Listen to what the dumb bitch/bastard is saying once in a while.

11-15 Points: You obviously cheated
Ok, ok, we know that in these magazine quizzes it’s easy to pick the answers that “sound” right and let you come out golden. WE KNOW YOU CHEATED. GIVE IT UP. Clearly there are darker forces at work here–an inferiority complex, perhaps? If so, we really advise that you put yourself out of your misery as soon as possible.

16-20 Points: You’re whipped
You’re whipped! Probably literally! You need to stand up for yourself once in a while, even if that means knocking your partner off of your back and tearing off the ball gag.

21+ Points: Buy a calculator
Congratulations! By attaining a mathematically impossible score, you’ve proven yourself to be functionally illiterate.

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Valued subscriber!

August 2002

Dear Valued Subscription Holder,

You are receiving this glossy and handsomely folded brochure as an Apprentice level donor to The Little Theater. We’d like to thank you for your generous donation. If at any time you would like to upgrade your membership to our Helper, Benefactor, or Demigod levels, call our membership coordinator. Don’t forget, it’s not too late to claim your Little Theater tote bag and electric dental floss for upgrading your membership!
The Little Theater is proud to present the flagship of its 2002-2003 theater season, Peter Hunt’s Hamlet: the musical. Hunt is a native of Waco, Texas. He received a B.A. in music composition at Baylor University. His previous composer/librettist credits include the feel-good summer musical Our Rockin’ Town and the riotous rock opera The Three Sisters and Their Zany Musical Sidekicks. His latest attempt, Hamlet, has met with acclaim for its hit songs. Who could forget Ophelia’s charming “I’m Just Crazy for Flowers!” or Rosencrantz and Guildenstern’s show-stopper “Cheer up, Man!” or Hamlet’s haunting ballad “Daddy No!” Hunt is known for incorporating a variety of styles into each of his shows, including jazz, classical, pop, rap, klezmer, reggae, and polka. His militantly eclectic musical taste gives each show not just one distinctive character, but several. The Little Theater is honored to mount the work of such a musical genius.
We at the Little Theater are excited to give Hamlet a second chance after its 1996 premiere in the basement of First Baptist Church. At the last moment, several of the main characters contracted an upper respiratory infection, the recovery from which required that they all wear large scarves. During the romantic dance scene “Me, Myself, and I but also You,” Hamlet’s scarf got caught on Ophelia’s braces. Ophelia’s parents sued the theater for orthodontic expenses, forcing the theater to close until enough funds to settle the lawsuit were raised through hundreds of bake sales. Despite this setback, Hamlet enjoyed mixed reviews from over five critics.
Rest assured that the Little Theater is taking every precaution against similar incidents, including surgical masks during rehearsals and hourly injections with vitamin C. Yes, after starting off on the wrong track, this little musical that could is on the express to success!
Hamlet will be conducted by George Schwarz, former music director of the Abilene Symphony. Schwarz’s career in Abilene was unexpectedly cut short when his unorthodox choices of tempi in Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony caused rioting in the audience and what he refers to only as “the baton incident.” We can only sympathize with the outrage of the Abilene Symphony’s knowledgeable audience, but regardless of Schwarz’s reputation as a renegade, we at the Little Theater are confident that his stubborn nonconformity will give our Hamlet just the edge it needs. Little Theater veteran Richard Marcus, who you might remember from his performances as Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof and both Romeo and Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet, will play the title role.
The Little Theater’s new production will be directed by Jerry Rogers. Rogers has announced exciting new plans to continue the Little Theater’s ongoing mission of bringing culture to our little town in this day and age. He will make Hamlet: the musical resonate with modern audiences by setting the action not in Denmark, but in a 1950s sock hop! This modernization will really bring the antiquated themes in Shakespeare’s masterpiece to life. The final scene will culminate not in a series of brutal slayings, but in a dance marathon, so grab your best girl and head over to the box office today!
We are proud to announce that Hunt will be our guest for opening night on September 24th here at the Little Theater! As a donor, you are invited to the special potluck dinner being held in his honor. We hear he loves tuna wiggle—don’t be stingy with the potato chips! This upcoming event is yet another chapter in our “Casseroles with the Composer” series.
Also, be sure to join us before and after the performance for the Little Theater’s exciting series of educational lectures. Our education department continually strives to make great works of theater more accessible to Little Theater audiences. Some of the upcoming lectures include “Updating Shakespeare,” “Dude, where’s my denouement,” and “Hamlet, Prozac, and You.”
This season brings many joys to our little town. We hope to continue in the mission the Little Theater has had since its founding in 1971: to enrich and enlighten the citizens of Temple, TX through the fine arts. We invite you to help us pursue our goal by giving the most precious gifts a person can give—those of your time and money. For after all, without the enrichment that the fine arts bring to the world, what is there to live for?

With gratitude,

The Little Theater staff

P.S. Wondering how you can serve the Little Theater better! Come join “Usher Boot Camp,” an intensive two-week program dedicated to the training of volunteer ushers. It’s almost exciting as being in the shows!

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