Is there a healthy balance of power in your relationship?
Many times, people are involved in abusive relationships without realizing it. The next time you are bound, gagged, and submitting to the will of your partner, take the time to consider your role in relationship. Are you happy with the amount of power that you have? Do you resent your partner’s dominance over you? Or do you perhaps enjoy your subjugated role as a sex slave? Use this simple quiz to assess your relationship.
1. Do you use “I” sentences with your partner, such as “I would like for you to be over here now,” “I am your master,” and “I order you to make me a sandwich”?
A. almost never
C. Where’s my sandwich?
2. Do the handcuffs hurt?
B. a little
C. AUGH!!! AUGH!!!
3. If your partner were a household object, what would he/she be?
B. a roll of duct tape
C. a 13-inch black rubber dildo
D. a chainsaw
4. Which couple best parallels your relationship with your partner?
A. Bert and Ernie
B. Broom and shoe
C. Hitler and Mrs. Hitler
5. Are both of you employed?
B. Pshh. Who would hire that dumb (son of a) bitch?
C. Only if you count constantly looking after my partner’s affairs to the extent of creating a vicarious life for my….oh my god.
6. Which slogan best describes your relationship with your partner?
A. Mutual Love and Respect
B. Compromise Carries the Day
C. Putting the “Pow” Back in “Power”
1. a:3 b:2 c:1
2. a:1 b:2 c:3
3. a:4 b:3 c:2 d:1
4. a:2 b:3 c:1 d:4
5. a:2 b:1 c:3
6. a:3 b:2 c:1
6-10 Points: Whoa there, cowboy!
You clearly hold more power in this relationship. While American culture teaches us all to seek positions of power and leadership, this does not mean to beat your partner with leather whips and searing pokers. Find a healthy balance. Listen to what the dumb bitch/bastard is saying once in a while.
11-15 Points: You obviously cheated
Ok, ok, we know that in these magazine quizzes it’s easy to pick the answers that “sound” right and let you come out golden. WE KNOW YOU CHEATED. GIVE IT UP. Clearly there are darker forces at work here–an inferiority complex, perhaps? If so, we really advise that you put yourself out of your misery as soon as possible.
16-20 Points: You’re whipped
You’re whipped! Probably literally! You need to stand up for yourself once in a while, even if that means knocking your partner off of your back and tearing off the ball gag.
21+ Points: Buy a calculator
Congratulations! By attaining a mathematically impossible score, you’ve proven yourself to be functionally illiterate.