FDA Revises Food Guide Pyramid
Officials in the Food and Drug Administration are re-organizing the Food Guide Pyramid after years of following what they call an â€œembarrassingly ill-conceivedâ€ model.
â€œThe old food guide pyramid puts far too much emphasis on wheat and bread,â€ spokesperson Aida Lott says. â€œThe new pyramid will place the proper emphasis on overlooked foods such as quinoa and bulghur.â€
The old model was criticized for pandering to grain farmersâ€™ lobbyists, encouraging people to buy more bread, even overemphasizing its importance in a healthy diet. â€œBut we donâ€™t have this problem any more, no sir,â€ she said, leaning speaking into the flowers on her desk. â€œThe grain farmers do not control us at all. Nope. Not even a little bit.â€
The FDA is also developing several lifestyle-specific food pyramids, continuing a trend that began with ethnic food pyramids.
â€œSo far we have Arabic, Chinese, Cuban, Indian, Italian, Mexican, Portuguese, Russian, Thai, Japanese, Mediterranean, and Native American, but weâ€™re hoping to get even more specific,â€ Lott says. Researchers are currently developing a Finicky Two-year-old brat food guide pyramid based primarily on stale cheerios and Legos. Also in development is the East Texas Redneck food pyramid, which includes fruit pies and roadkill.
â€œThe hope is that any person, regardless of ethnicity, income level, allergies, or fetish, will be able to eat healthfully,â€ Lott says, adding, â€œexcept for those weirdoes who donâ€™t eat meat. There’s no way they could eat a healthy, balanced diet.â€